The Season of Gratitude, And Why It’s Complicated
Gratitude is a very common theme in November, especially for those of us who choose to participate in the Thanksgiving holiday. However, the idea of giving thanks and gratitude is actually far more protective than we realize, especially with the changing seasons causing changes to our mental health. Gratitude is also something that is nebulous, meaning different things to everyone. There are some tried and true methods that can be implemented and made into your own practices to help feel more grateful in your day-to-day life.
Gratitude and Mental Health: More Than Just “Be Positive”
Gratitude is oftentimes hard to define for people and can look very different depending on culture, upbringing, and personal beliefs. The classic example of gratitude is giving thanks to someone for doing something for you. It is something we teach children early on, saying “Please” and “Thank you”, and celebrating the child when they do these things. Gratitude is considered a normalized part of American and many other societies, conveying politeness, but often only when it is directed towards others. We have become so good at thanking things that we often thank inanimate objects for the things they do for us, or even thank individuals who have no knowledge of the thanks we give. Thanks can be expressed genuinely or sarcastically, but true gratitude will err on the side of genuine kindness. It can be very hard to give gratitude to things that we believe are not worthy of gratitude, but the act of expressing gratitude can be powerfully important to benefiting mental health.
Redefining Gratitude on Your Own Terms
I have heard plenty of times in sessions, “How is this even going to help me?” This is a common response to ideas that can make us uncomfortable, or that go against our typical daily practices. I get it. Gratitude and focusing on things we are genuinely thankful for actually cultivates an overall more positive mood and can change the way we interact with the world. When these changes take place, Harvard Health Publishing reports better “emotional and social well-being, better sleep, lower depression risk, and favorable markers of cardiovascular health.” All of these benefits, which many who seek counseling want, from something as simple as giving thanks! But is it really that simple? Well, yes and no, it is complicated, like all things we humans do.
Turning Gratitude Inward (Yes, You Deserve It Too)
Gratitude can take on many different forms depending on who you are, but gratitude is often outwardly focused, as I mentioned earlier. Most people are adept at saying thank you to the waiter at a restaurant, a stranger who picks up your dropped item, or a significant other when they help you with a task you simply do not want to do, but how often do you thank yourself for the amazing things you can do? This idea is difficult to wrap our heads around because, more often than not, our brains focus on the things we need to improve or change. It is difficult to focus on ourselves when that is the common reaction, but this way of thinking is even more important for gratitude. You are an amazing individual with qualities and ideas that are all your own, so finding those things can be important when trying to maintain gratitude. Something as simple as being thankful that you have lungs to breathe with, shelter, food, or other “simple” things can be a good place to start, but without the shame associated with it, such as “Well, there are starving kids in insert random country or continent.” You might struggle with these things due to disability, mental health, etc so it can be hard to give thanks to them, but the act of gratitude is oftentimes more an act of seeking out your positive aspects to balance the mind’s natural strength at finding negative aspects.
Finding Gratitude on the Hard Days
If focusing on yourself and the incredible things you can do, like interpreting information and sending that information across your whole body in seconds, then sometimes focusing outward can be helpful. What in your day can you be grateful for? Again, this concept is genuine thankfulness and can take some work. Intentionality is key, so going out of your way to thank a coworker or write a friend a thank-you note. Alternatively, you can focus on thanking more abstract things like the universe or, if you’re religious, thanking the deity that you worship. Gratitude is easy when it comes to wonderful and obvious things, but it is the tough days that gratitude can often see us through. An example, say you are driving to work/school/other important place and are late, you keep hitting every red light, the person in front of you is driving like a sloth in slow motion and you are getting ready honk your horn to indicate your discontent, instead of honking your horn, trying to identify positive aspects can help gain perspective and create a sense of calm. You could thank the universe that this person is trying to be safe, that your car started up no problem, or that you have some caffeinated beverage sitting in the cupholder. When I have given others an example like this, they often respond jokingly, saying, “Isn’t that just gaslighting yourself?”Nope! You are still absolutely allowed to be frustrated by this delay; it is more about the delay not being the only aspect of your day, and focusing on the positive things in addition to noticing the negative.
Questions to Guide Your Gratitude Practice
Gratitude can be hard, but it also has shown health benefits that would be good for just about anyone. The way to practice it is up to you and can be made into whatever you want. If you are still struggling with this idea or how to practice it, Harvard Health Publishing also has some questions to ask yourself to help create a gratitude practice
- What happened today that was good?
- What am I taking for granted that I can be thankful for?
- Which people in my life am I grateful for?
- What is the last book I read or movie, show, or social media clip I saw that I really appreciated, and why?
- What am I most looking forward to this week, month, and year, and why?
- What is the kindest thing someone has said or done lately?”
If you or someone you know could use help with expressing gratitude, please reach out to one of our wonderful therapists or our front office to schedule a session today.
Remember, You Matter.
Practicing gratitude isn’t about pretending everything is fine—it’s about noticing the tiny sparks of okay-ness that remind you you’re still here, still trying. And that’s enough. If gratitude feels hard this season, you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Reach out to Voyage Counseling in Brownsburg, Indiana for grounded, trauma-informed support that meets you where you are. Whether you want to explore individual counseling, couples therapy, or online therapy anywhere in Indiana, we’re here to help you find your center again.
Start your voyage today. You matter. You are enough.
About the Author
This post was written by the therapists at Voyage Counseling in Brownsburg, Indiana—a relaxed, affirming team of “misfit toys” who help people navigate life’s storms without shame or judgment. We offer trauma-informed, LGBTQ+ affirming therapy for individuals, couples, teens, and families. Our therapists are trained in EMDR, Brainspotting, Gottman Method, and more to help you find hope and healing at your own pace.